Shang-Chi

What do you get if you start with the 80s version of Oriental Adventures and add to it a reluctant superhero story with a plank of wood protagonist, give him an occasionally amusing sidekick, and throw in some gratuitous grrrrrl power, but just shy of being actively obnoxious? Shang-Chi the movie, of course.

I know that it's been out for a couple of weeks now, but I refuse to give Disney the satisfaction of a full price ticket on opening weekend. $5 tickets and free popcorn is what our theater does on Tuesdays to try and put a few more butts in a few more seats, and I'm game even to see a Disney movie under those conditions, even though Disney is one of the most evil and hateful companies in existence right now (which is saying a lot). Mostly because my wife really loves to go see movies and is determined to look past the hateful, anti-white, anti-male wokeness agenda unless it's way too in your face to ignore. So, while I'm tempted to simply dog on the movie for featuring a white-hating, ungrateful, entitled, bratty little princess as its star—who also happens to think pedophiles are just misunderstood—who can feel free to go back home to China like all of the other Fake Americans anytime now, or even Canada if they'll take him—I don't think I will. He's not a very interesting character in the movie. But then again, since when was Shang-Chi ever an interesting character anyway? The guy was created as a copycat Bruce Lee during the height of the Bruce Lee Hong Kong theatre and the Kung Fu television show with David Carradine, but which technically was an adaptation or spin-off of Sax Rohmer's Fu Manchu stories. Since the ridiculous school of fish mentality of the SJWs now suggests that Fu Manchu is racist—because, of course it is. It's just such a go-to complaint. It's like the ketchup of SJW condiments; you put it on everything—Shang-Chi's father is no longer Fu Manchu, so they had to invent another group of Chinese ninja/Yakuza (yes, I know) with another guy to run it to be his father. And they had to give him a sister who, despite the fact that she's a tiny little girl and her "training" involved watching her brother during the day, and going out by herself in the training yard at night, is actually a better fighter than he is.

Sigh. So, yeah—the premise is beyond silly, and the steps to get there are worse than what most D&D campaigns have as their McGuffin multipart quests. But that hasn't stopped a Marvel movie before. And yes, the character is beyond D-lister. And the actor who plays him isn't really all that charismatic (plus, he sympathizes with pedophiles, remember). And his comic sidekick is Awkwafina, who is only occasionally charming. She once characterized herself as "Asian Ellen" but that was back when people in Hollywood, at least, as well as woke, bored, virtue-signaling housewives were still pretending that Ellen was charming and likeable (spoiler alert: no, she wasn't.) When they get to D&D Oriental Adventures land, I seriously thought that they got Jeff Easley to do concept art for the movie. I'm not even kidding here. 

All in all, while I've heard Marvel's Phase Four characterized as Phase Bore, I don't think it's been terrible yet. In fact, I've now seen a handful of Disney movies, including Marvel's belated Black Widow movie and the Jungle Cruise movie, which were both... OK. Shang-Chi's kind of right there with them; it's got just enough charisma to make it worth seeing... if the tickets are $5 each and the popcorn is free and it's a couple of weekends after opening so that you're not really giving Disney anything that they can brag to their investors about. But otherwise, just wait a few months, and it'll be on your Disney+ subscription for free soon enough. (Did I mention that my wife was a long time Disney fan since the 80s? She's been to DisneyWorld I think twenty times so far in her lifetime. Of course we have Disney+, even though I'd drop it in a heartbeat if it were only me to consider.) Better yet, just wait, and see it for free sometime soon, or rent it from Redbox or whatever. It's not a great movie.

But, if you listen to the usual suspects who peddle Disney doom and gloom pr0n, you'd think the movie was absolutely terrible and was bombing big time. It may be doing the latter for all I know, but it isn't really terrible. Just mediocre.

And, like I said, if you were a fan of the 80s Oriental Adventures supplement at all, then you'll probably get a kick out of the last third or so of the movie, at least.